Keep your damned badge to yourself.

Some of you may have noticed by now that I am occasionally prone to 'paranoid delusions'.

When we were stuck in Canada, I developed this crippling, irrational fear of going to prison for...something. I never really figured out what I would go to prison for, but. I've never been one to get caught up in the details. After a year or so, I started thinking that Canadian Immigration was after me - I was terrified of being deported. I would hyperventillate and cry every time I saw someone in a uniform. For a while, I wouldn't watch the news, afraid that they'd be talking about me, and Canada's ongoing efforts to deport me. And. Send me to prison. For...something. The Absolute Worst: There was this house across the street from Tony's. The second story window was always dark but the curtains were never closed. I conviced myself that there was a camera in that window and they [Immigration, I guess] were filming me to prove I was in the country. Any day they would swoop in through the windows and carry me away to the cage in which I would tearfully carry out the rest of my days. It was a sting operation.

I'd never really talked about this.
Until tonight.
Over dinner, I told Tony all about it. He shook his head sympathetically and smiled at me.

Tony: You know, it's funny. Because the guy who lives in that house DOES do sting operation stuff.
Me: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? WHAT?
Tony: Oh, I mean. He wasn't watching YOU...[watches me choke on pasta] Hey. You know I'm kidding.
Me: OhmygodIamgoingtoKILLYOU.
Tony: But he DOES work for Immigration.
Me: [stabs Tony with salad fork]